I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
