so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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