Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
