this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
