Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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