Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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