names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
