just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
