this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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