My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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