You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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