My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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