he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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