Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
