thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
