My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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