just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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