did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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