Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
