I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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