the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
