another moral hangover. fuck.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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