It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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