i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
