Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
