this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
