3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
