U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
