Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
