how hairy? two words: wookie tits
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
