I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
