If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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