ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
