dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
