i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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