I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
