Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize