This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
