I wanna bring you to show and tell
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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