I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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