girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
