No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize