my soul wont recognize me after tonight
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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