I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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