You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
