Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
