Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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