Kiss
Puke
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
