Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
if i can run in heels then i can drive
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
