just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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