The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
