had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
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Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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