I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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