I can text with my tongue
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
