What a fucking waste of an outfit
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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