I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
