No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
