i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize