Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize