Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
