I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
