after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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