If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
