I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
