Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
