somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize