if you like me you must not know who I am
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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