did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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