i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
