This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
