so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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