Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
